I fell off the Resident Evil wagon after Chris punched boulders. Not that specific moment, I barely recalled it happening until it became a meme. I’m mostly just referring to Resident Evil 5. I had fallen in love with horror games about hapless people falling into horrible situations and finding themselves fighting for their lives against Big Pharma. Then they became super-heroes travelling the world, killing the locals, and fighting for their lives against the ghost of Big Pharma. It’s not that the series about Ultimate Bio-Weapons was ever serious, but it was jettisoning parts of itself fast. Atmosphere and tone were long gone before horror got shunted out the door entirely.

Of course, I also hate it when a series refuses to change or evolve in a meaningful way. I’m allowed to be paradoxically frustrated.

When Resident Evil: Revelations hit the 3DS in 2012, some hailed it as a sort of cross between the classic horror style of the series and the action-centric game it had become. I really want to know what game they were playing, because this can’t be it. You’d have to be really mesmerized by peeling wallpaper to think this is atmospheric horror.

JILL SUB SANDWICH

Resident Evil: Revelations takes this weird episodic approach. Like, it was never released as episodes (the sequel was), but there’s a recap after every chapter. You jump between members of the BSAA (Biohazard Something Automobile Association or whatever), who are trying to stop a terrorist group from unleashing another biohazard. There was a floating future city that was hit by a mutant virus invasion, and the same terrorist group is potentially at it again with the t-abyss virus.

At the center of this is an abandoned cruise ship because someone thought Resident Evil Gaiden was a good idea. Fun fact, Resident Evil 3 started off as a spin-off on a cruise ship, though that one starred “fourth survivor” HUNK. For Resident Evil: Revelations, you jump around a few different protagonists, but it mainly centers around Jill “Jiggle-physics” Valentine, because we aren’t allowed to have interesting protagonists in this series. On the plus side, she wears a tight wetsuit because mmm, Jill.

Also fortunately, the supporting characters you sometimes play as are much more interesting. Except Chris “Wonderbread” Redfield, who might as well be named “Jack Protagonist” for how well he stands out in a crowd. The Resident Evil games are no stranger to shackling you to a supporting character, and Resident Evil: Revelations is especially afraid you’ll get lonely. So, you’re almost perpetually shackled to a partner. You get to know people like Parker, Jessica, and the redhead with the frighteningly sharp jawline. Listen, I need more than eight hours to remember anyone’s full name.

A GRINDER, IF YOU WILL

The gameplay is more akin to Resident Evil 5 than it is to the classic formula. You can move and shoot. On the plus side, you’re mostly fighting moist albino people with hickey tubes. They’re kind of like the regenerators at the end of Resident Evil 4. They move in a way where it’s hard to tag them in the face. There’s an anomalous amount of ammo lying around this derelict cruise ship, as well as houseplants that survive despite lacking sunlight. Speaking of which, you can heal at the press of a button.

It’s a very action-based approach, which is why I feel weird about anyone calling it a cross between classic horror and new-type action. It takes place largely in gloomy corridors, and sometimes, the suck-faced people slide out of vents. Maybe this sort of thing might scare you, but I feel like there’s more to horror than moistened monsters. You need some sort of human element, and it’s not brought by the squishy fiends, the hunky protagonists, or the cartoonish villains. 

In fact, Resident Evil: Revelations seems hesitant to show any element of tragedy or mystery. The notes that you picked up are all sterile and generic. The floating city that was nuked from orbit is too undefined and futuristic to be relatable. Resident Evil 2 and 3 were scariest when you were navigating the shredded remains of society while picking up notes describing how a person’s grocery trip turned into the worst – and last – day of their lives. A cruise ship could be scary if it zoomed in on how someone went on a trip of a lifetime and it turned to tragedy, but one that was commandeered by terrorists until they all died is ineffective.

NOT YET SUNK

But even if this isn’t the type of Resident Evil I like – even if it isn’t horror – it’s entertaining in its own goofy way. As daft and outlandish as the actual narrative is, it’s effective in its storytelling. It leans super hard on action cliches, but it’s paced well and knows how to throw a curveball. The whole thing is extremely stupid, but someone knew how to stretch a thin plot without losing any of the flavour.

Which isn’t to say that the plot of all Resident Evil games aren’t stupid. I’ll try to think of one… Nope, they’re all dumb. However, some of them are dumb in a way that doesn’t detract from the horror. But then we wind up here where well-toned super-heroes fight against greasy super-villains. I’m happy we more-or-less got back to horror eventually.

What I’ve learned from this is that you can still enjoy both types of narrative. I like the storytelling of Resident Evil: Revelations better than RE4 and RE5 (I still haven’t played 6). It’s more focused. It doesn’t just meander from setpiece to setpiece. At the same time, the gameplay is a bit more monotone, but I blame that mostly on the 3DS. Overall, it’s inoffensive, bordering on decent. At least Jill’s butt looks fly in that wetsuit.

6/10

This review was conducted on a Nintendo Switch using a digital copy of the game. It was paid for by the author.